An Issue of Polyamory

“Monogamy destroys families,” laughs a married couple from a new T.V. series that has been working its way to be put on the screens in your households and into the brains of many couples as well as your children for a purpose of making polyamory an acceptable way of life.

“What in the world is polyamory, anyway?”
Polyamorists are those who are married or in “committed relationships” but engaging in extra sexual activity inside their homes and in the presence of their spouse while “loving” whomever you want to.

This new T.V. show’s advertisement is filled with the idea that it is pleasurable and fun for married couples to have sex with other people inside their own homes.  One of the couples on their advertisement shows two couples who all live together and are “in love” with everyone under their roof. Another couple has an extra woman who loves both the man and woman who are married to each other. They are all smiles and sunshine in their advertisement, but the thing that bothers me the most is how close this hits home for me and how incredibly deceived they are.

Although it is truly a very personal issue, but because something like this is coming out on Television, I need to share a couple stories.  My grandparents “raised” six children.  They neglected them because they’d rather pay attention to alcohol and sex, but underneath their roof was a tragic story.

My grandfather was a sex addict. He had been involved with the prostitutes of Amsterdam during WWII and came back to marry my grandmother who came from a highly sexually abused family herself.  Under their roof, while the children were all upstairs, my mom witnessed her father kissing and touching other women in front of her mother.  It really upset my mom a lot but whenever she’d comment about it, she’d get laughed at by her parents or the people who were over involved in the activities.

In the last years of my grandmother’s life, my mom questioned her mother on the many events she’d witnessed going on in their home. My grandmother thought they concealed their lifestyle away from her children, but my mom was not blind so her mom let everything be known to her.  There were partner swaps regularly and orgies throughout their home.  “The parties were wild at your parents’ place,” was something an old former partner swapper mentioned to my mom in my presence at a wake of one of my relatives.  I looked at my mom and said, “Was he one of the ones your mom was involved in?” and she remembered he was there often, but didn’t know if he was one of the ones that slept with her mom.

Although things may have seemed so wonderful in this new Television show’s commercial, and although my grandparents stayed married until death, the truth is that my grandmother was left with loads of wounds from her marriage. She confessed so many dark stories with my mom including that my grandfather was starting to have problems having orgasms unless he watched other men being sexual with his wife, so he prostituted her for his own gain after decades of “sexual boredom”.  Thankfully my grandfather completely transformed his life when he became a Christian in his last seven years of life (he died at about 55 years of age or so).

Many family members of mine would be shocked to learn of such stories from the 1940s-early 1960s,   but I pushed and pushed my mom for years to tell me of the history of our family so that I could learn and help break the nasty sexual generational curse like my mother did.

A few years before I was even conceived, my father brought a woman around the home and was involved with her in front of my mom (kissing her and flirting her with my mom right there). Thankfully my mom put her foot down, rebuked my father, witnessed to the woman who became a Christian, and my dad stayed with my mom and said she was “gold” while any other woman was “tin”.  If the public affair was never taken care of and my mom didn’t seek out God so regularly, my parents would never have had made me, and I would not have seen healing in my parents’ marriage (which still had difficulties in my childhood).

The Polyamory show talks about how at least they are all honest with one another and free to sleep with whomever they want to which they believe makes it better. This is a lie that Satan is trying to feed into the viewers who might be having marital problems or those who wish they could be able to have affairs.  The stories I told you above were of my married family members who knew full well what was going on or were involved themselves, but it just made things worse, not better.

Now that I’ve been married for eight years and had to grow through hard times in my own marriage in the past, I have seen how monogamy is a great blessing and a beautiful thing. Anything that was ever brought into our marriage from outside of devoting attention to each other only harmed us greatly.

Coming through the hard times and devoting our marital love and sexual attentions to only one another has been amazing!  Without outside distractions, we have more fulfillment sexually than we had in the past. With each year, sexual intercourse has only become better because we concentrate on one another so often. I blush like I’m still 16 and he lusts after me wearing the most un-sexy outfits I could imagine (and only lusts after me), because he truly loves me. True love involves commitment, devotion, and concentration on the other person through the unity of man and woman under the eyes and approval of God, not man.

The worst part about seeing the ad for the Polamory show is that at the end of it, a woman asks her child if they’d be okay with some other person living with them (in which they are sexually involved with). The child says they like that person, so this makes it okay in their eyes.  I guess people forget that polyamory is sodomy and sinful and anyone who is going to cause a child to even stumble and confuse them, is just testing God and causing them to destroy their lives and the lives of their children.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” -Hebrews 13:4

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About Victoria / Justice Pirate

Victoria. Anabaptist, Wife of Rob, Mom of two boys, minimalist, quilt maker, Resources Adviser/Social Media Manager for anti-human trafficking awareness organization Justice Network (justice-network.org).
This entry was posted in appeal, articles, biblical truths, content, culture, entertainment, God, godliness, love, marriage, real people, relationships, sex, sexual sin, sexuality and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to An Issue of Polyamory

  1. Jessica says:

    I am very sorry for what your mother went through. No child should have to grow up in such an unhealthy environment. An unhealthy, obsessive approach to sex and sexuality is very often damaging to the children who are exposed to it.

    That said, your beliefs are your own, and you have to do what is right for you. Not everyone is Christian. Not everyone who is Christian believes as you do. There is extensive evidence from psychological and sociological studies showing that healthy non-monogamous relationship are safe and nurturing environments for children and for the people in them. If these things are against your religion, then you should not engage in them, but please do not project abusive households onto healthy ones or your beliefs onto other peoples lives.

    • Victoria / Justice Pirate says:

      Any married couple that has someone outside of their marriage brought in for sex is abusing the marriage and the relationship, and is not healthy, but harmful.

      This is a Christian blog based on scriptures, so if a person claims to be a Christian but exclaims it is acceptable to have extra-marital activities, they are not living the Word of God in which their beliefs are formed.

      Where are you getting that a study shows non-monogamous relationships being nurturing and safe for a child?

      • Jessica says:

        Here are the most recent studies:
        Barker, Meg & Langdridge, Darren. (2010). Understanding Non-monogamies. London: Routledge.

        Pallotta-Chiarolli, Maria. (2010). Border Sexualities, Border Families in Schools. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.

        Pallotta-Chiarolli, Maria (2006). Polyparents Having Children, Raising Children, Schooling Children. Lesbian and Gay Psychology Review, 7 (1), (March 2006), 48-53.

        Pallotta-Chiarolli, Maria. (2010). To Pass, Border or Pollute: Polyfamilies Go to School. In Meg Barker & Darren Langridge (Eds.), Understanding Non-Monogamies. New York, NY: Routledge.

        Pallotta-Chiarolli, Maria, Haydon, Peter; & Hunter, Anne. (In press, 2012). These Are Our Children: Polyamorous Parenting. In Katherine Allen & Abbie Goldberg (Eds.), LGBT-Parent Families: Possibilities for New Research and Implications for Practice. London: Springer.

        Sheff, Elisabeth. (2011). Polyamorous Families, Same-Sex Marriage, and the Slippery Slope. Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, 40 (5), (October 2011), 487-520,

        Sheff, Elisabeth. (2010). Strategies in Polyamorous Parenting. In Meg Barker & Darren Langridge (Eds.), Understanding Non-Monogamies. London: Routledge.

        A full list of studies going back to the 1970s can be found here: http://practical-polyamory.blogspot.com/2012/01/polyamory-and-children-research-update.html

        As far as Christianity, I am not a Christian, but have read the Gospels in several translations. I have never seen anything that Jesus taught which precludes non-monogamy, and several Christian denominations throughout history have allowed non-monogamy (and no, I am not referring Mormons – the Ethiopian denomination of Christianity allowed polygamy until the 12th century, as have others at different times and places) and Martin Luther is quoted as saying that there is no scriptural bar to polygamy (Luter, Martin. De Wette II, 459, ibid., pp. 329–330.”I confess that I cannot forbid a person to marry several wives, for it does not contradict the Scripture. If a man wishes to marry more than one wife he should be asked whether he is satisfied in his conscience that he may do so in accordance with the word of God. In such a case the civil authority has nothing to do in the matter.”) And apparently many theologians were open to multiple marriages during the Reformation (Lindberg, Carter. “The European Reformations Sourcebook”, p. 141) That said I have not read the Epistles of the Apostles or the original writing of any of my quoted sources here, so it is fully possible that I am mistaken in some of my information or something is being taken out of context.

        As for this being a Christian blog, I fully support your right to live what your beliefs require, but if you are going to tweet about this until a #polyamory hashtag, you are going to get polyamorists coming, reading and responding to what you say. And if you make sweeping statements that imply what you say applies to everyone, people who feel it doesn’t apply to them will disagree with you.

        • Victoria / Justice Pirate says:

          I am well aware that non-Christians will not agree since most non-Christians want to live as they please and not be told how they should or shouldn’t live.

          God created Adam and gave him his wife Eve and stated that she was united as one with him. It says in Genesis 2:34 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” not WIVES. Jesus even quoted this in Matthew 19, Mark 10). It wasn’t until hundreds of years later where men were taking on more than one wife or a even concubine or more, but God never said they should have those. In fact, all the families mentioned that included those had major conflicts and issues between them.

          Also, in the Old Testament, the men with many wives did not have orgies with them all unlike what it seems polyamory applauds. He would take a woman to be with on a various night. Two women were not even allowed to share relations together or it was punishable by death (Deuteronomy 22:22). If anything, adding more partners just adds more stress and problems from taking a view at scriptures which is why later in the New Testament, in choosing deacons and elders for churches, they say that a man should have only one wife and be a good father to his children (Titus 1:6, 1 Timothy 3). All throughout Ephesians it states for a husband to love his WIFE (not wives) as he would love himself to show respect. Also in Luke 16 Jesus talks about adultery and says that divorcing and marrying another was adultery, let alone that any man who were to look upon another woman other than his WIFE with lust was committing adultery in his heart (Matthew 5). Polyamory is adultery.

          Also because there are laws against polygamy in the US, and since the law is out to protect us and that we are to obey the law unless it goes against God and righteousness, we are to obey it. Proverbs 6:32 says, “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” . . .which was written by Solomon, who had over 700 wives and a few hundred concubines and committed adultery each time he was adding to those numbers. He was speaking from experience because he allowed his heart to be swayed by all his wives instead of by obeying God. He was the master of wisdom.

          Thanks for the book list. I’ll look into them and will read at least one of them and see where they are getting their information from and get a better understanding of polyamory.

        • Jessica, you have a very sweet spirit about you, and I appreciate that. I like that you clarify that you have not fully read Scripture, nor followed up on the quotes with detail in context to verify them, and that you respectfully respond this as being a Christian Blog with fully supporting Victoria’s write to write her post from a christian viewpoint. These are admirable and not all give this much respect.

          You have been heard in general about your views, understanding of facts and provided support so I think the purpose of interaction is probably been fulfilled unless you really want to continue to know more about the Christian support for standing by God’s standard as a truth in life that will bring great blessing and not curse/harm to a marriage.

    • lindy abbott says:

      Jessica, I read Victoria’s experience and I too felt sorry for the family experiences that she had but highly respected her determination to seek the truth.

      In addressing your evidence from studies to provide fact has a major flaw: FACTS are not equal TRUTH. We can do zillions of interviews, research, tests, etc and come up with all kinds of statistical evidence and still have a bunch of facts that tell us commonalities during a period of time with a group of people. But research studies like these do not uncover Truths! Truths are revealed by God and are absolute. They apply to every single person and situation. They are not circumstantial, based off of nature/nurture, influenced by wealth, or a particular people group.

      Also, Truths are not opinions, conclusions or inferences, nor are they judgmental from one person to the other. Truths stand alone – applying to all and able to stand the test of time (creation through eternity) – and always remain a valid standard given by God to people. Abstaining sexual relationships outside of marriage is one of the basic relationship truths established by God as HIS standard. So Victoria is not projecting or suggesting her beliefs or opinions onto others. Frankly, what Victoria thinks does not change God’s principles. Even if she disagreed and thought they were too archiac, God principle of abstinence before and outside of marriage is statement of Truth– it still stands alone regardless of other people opinion.

  2. Tim says:

    Nice job, Victoria. The Bible is clear on marriage, and smarter people than I have compiled the relevant Scripture passages so I will defer to them. (Here’s one collection of resources for those who want to look into it further: http://www.monergism.com/directory/search.php?action=search_links_simple&search_kind=and&phrase=marriage&B1.x=0&B1.y=0)

    As for the TV show depicting a parent asking a child whether they’d be OK with having another adult in the home, that sort of manipulative decision-making (the child cannot be expected to understand the nuances) is just plain wrong and cannot be used to justify the decision to create a polyamorous household.

    These relationships are about what the participants want for themselves. But marriage isn’t about ourselves. It’s not about each other either. In fact, making a relationship about us or the other person(s) is a form of idolatry. All relationships are about God, or they’re worthless in the eternal scheme of things.

    Blessings,
    Tim

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