Where Are the Fathers?

A few weeks ago my husband and I saw a newly teenage girl who was very busty, walking around a public child-friendly area with a bikini top on.  You might think at first that this is the norm for teen girls to do once one has the ability to fill in a bikini; wanting to show it off, but she was with her family. Her father was with her and although it is good he was with her, my thoughts in my head were, “Doesn’t he realize the harm he might be bringing to his little girl?”, “Doesn’t he care if men lust after her or hold an image of her in their heads to return to later on for visual stimulation?”, “Doesn’t he know that girls her age are targeted and forced into prostitution?”

“My eyes will flow without ceasing, without respite, until the Lord from heaven looks down and sees; my eyes cause me grief at the fate of all the daughters of my city.” -Lamentations 3:49-51

I have had discussions with teen girls often throughout the years on the subject of bikinis and modesty. Many don’t think bikinis or the clothes they wear are immodest at all.  They don’t see a problem or their parents encourage the purchases of such clothing that they begin to think it is okay and acceptable to wear them.

I was recently having a conversation with a group of young women.  Two of them were sisters and explained to me about how their mom and dad are always very careful of what they allow them to wear that sometimes it is hard, but they see that their parents love them.  They have an amazing father who cares enough about them and is involved in their lives and helps them understand the Bible and modesty.  They understand the lure of their bodies to onlookers.  They know the power and damage of immodesty to those in the world and that they are to not be of the world, since they are children of the Lord.  Their father has helped them understand this.  This is the type of father that I rarely see existing today. This is a father that so many girls need in their lives.

A problem that I see occurring in many households (including Christian ones) is that the mother is in charge of the purchases of clothing for their teenage daughters.  One 16 year old told me her mom bought her a bikini, but her dad didn’t want her to have it, but her mom won out. This girl now has pictures of herself in bikinis throughout the internet no matter how many times I have lovingly advised her against immodesty.  If her parents give the okay, it’s okay, regardless of what God’s Word may say.  Fathers need to step up and tell their wives why they don’t want their daughters wearing bikinis!  A 15 year old girl told me that her dad does not like her wearing immodest clothes for reasons that I have told her, but her mom still slowly purchases her more immodest clothes and tells her to ignore her father’s opinions.  A 14 year old girl told me that in no way was she allowed to wear bikinis or immodest clothing at all no matter how much she wants to wear them. This is a good thing.

Do you see the pattern here? If you are a man and have daughters, start teaching them about immodesty and lust early on (well once they can understand it somewhat).  Start dressing them modestly while they are still young (such as not buying them baby bikinis).  Moms, hear out your husbands and try to understand what goes on in men’s heads that cause them to want to protect their daughters from men like they once were or men they might know who have sexual addiction and lust problems. Hopefully the men remember what it was like having heightened hormones as a teenage boy.

I shared with a number of young ladies over the past few months the following thought:  If you were on a beach filled with people and have their outward appearance to judge of what their hearts might be like, and you had to try to think of who may or may not be a follower of God, would the girls who claim to believe in Christ who are wearing bikinis look different from the ones who weren’t Christians wearing the bikinis? Could you really see a significant difference? If a few girls were seen in one pieces on the beach, do you think they would be more likely to be Christians? The answer for each of these are not proof, of course, since non-Christians do wear one-pieces, but my point is that if the norm for teenage girls is to look sexy and grab attention from teenage boys, like so many are out to do, would they be choosing a one-piece or a bikini? If you are out to get a boy’s attention rather than the attention of God, to live set-apart and make sure you do everything for His glory, which modesty is a part of that, then wouldn’t it be wiser to wear a one-piece? Are you longing to look good for guys or for God through your appearance? Which is more important (men or God)?

In reality men and boys will not look at women and girls and decipher if they are children of God or not, as man will only be worried about satisfying his passions of lust in his head/heart.  If he looks over at people on the beach, would he be more concerned about eyeing the females in one-pieces or the ones in bikinis?

One of the biggest ways this website is found is from people doing searches on the internet for phrases like “young girl in bikini”, “sexy teenagers in bikinis”, “13 year olds in bikinis”, “hot teenagers with breasts in little bikinis”.  They are probably so disappointed when they come to find this site talking against the idea of wearing them. I see all the hundreds of search results of how people find Ruby-Eyed Okapi, and every day there are results like this. That alone is proof that bikinis lead images of immodesty to the minds of men.  If there are so many people searching for these things on the internet, how many guys actually go to the beach to scope them out in action? No one has found this site by searching for “hot teenagers in one-piece bathing suits” or “One-piece babes”.  It is a terrible thing, but women and girls should be willing to help men out by caring better for the way they dress themselves.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Men, be fathers to your daughters and no matter what, think about telling them that because they are daughters of God and are placed in your care, and because you prize purity and godliness in their lives, that a bikini or immodest clothes is a way of fulfilling your fatherly duties and a part of your own obedience to the Lord.  This is the type of father they need! Guide them to a life filled with respect to God so that they also will want respect shown to them through how they appear or act.

photo credit: 1


About Victoria / Justice Pirate

Victoria. Anabaptist, Wife of Rob, Mom of two boys, minimalist, quilt maker, Resources Adviser/Social Media Manager for anti-human trafficking awareness organization Justice Network (justice-network.org).
This entry was posted in appeal, bathing suits, breasts, Christianity, clothing, culture, distractions, God, godliness, lust, modest clothes, modesty, sex appeal, sexual exploitation, sexual sin, sexual temptation, sexuality, teenagers, teens, temptations and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Where Are the Fathers?

  1. Allison says:

    When I was 17, my dad wouldn’t let me leave the house in a spaghetti-strap top. I never wore tight or low-cut shirts, usually preferring t-shirts, and always wore baggy pants, but with a belt at my waist, so I was so angry that he wouldn’t let me wear this shirt! I was just going out with my serious boyfriend, wouldn’t be alone to be harmed by any other man, nothing like that. It took me YEARS to figure out why he didn’t want me wearing them (probably more because of the boyfriend, haha, but definitely because of others, too).

    I’m so glad you mentioned baby bikinis. I don’t understand those AT ALL. Some people say they’re cute, but I don’t see it.

  2. Tim says:

    I never told my daughter what to wear. My daughter, now in college, never wore immodest clothing. I think her choices grew from more than clothing rules set out by her mother and me (had there been any). She wears clothes that reflect her relationship with God, not her relationship with her parents.

    • That’s great. You know it is because you are an involved father who obeys the Lord that this also helped result in your daughter building her own trusting relationship in Christ though. Because she was taught about God by an involved father, and one who seems to me to be one who practices what he preaches to his family, it helped her see that because you trust God and she sees Him working in your life, she can too, which helped her establish a dedicated relationship with Him in obeying His word. Good job!!! This is awesome!!

  3. Rebecca Ann says:

    A very good article and I totally agree with all your thoughts Victoria. I can relate to Tim in that my Dad did not ever tell me what to wear when I was a teen. My Mom never encouraged me to dress in a way that was sensual either. I was never craving to wear a spaghetti strap top or bikini because my dad taught me as you said to be a temple of the Holy Spirit. I will say though there were times in my teen years I wore some clothing I would not wear now, but for the most part I was wearing clothing that would be considered modest. I must say though that even in a long maxi skirt and cute t you can have an immodest attitude. I believe you have pointed this out before. I have seen this happen many a time and I have had the desire to lure men many a time even in pretty descent clothing. 🙂 Praise the Lord He convicts us of our sin and regenerates us. Of course its a struggle each day for me to glorify Him with my body as I am sure it can be for many young women in this culture.
    Sorry this was a book, but this was a very eye opening and encouraging article to me. Thanks Victoria for taking the time to post about this topic! I am so grateful for my father encouraging me to serve the Lord first and then my clothing choices fell into place.

    In Christ,

  4. Jenny says:

    I don’t think fathers should generally make decisions about what they’re daughters wear, although I think they should have veto power after seeing the end result. They usually don’t have enough fashion sense to know how something will look on a woman depending on her shape, etc.

    Aside: In most Christian families, I’ve seen the mother/wife is the more conservative one when it comes to dress. I find it rather annoying to hear married Christian women tell younger Christian women they shouldn’t wear this and that because it’ll tempt men when that’s exactly what they did to snag their Christian husbands!

    • Not every woman “snags” their Christian husband as you say. Most Christians I know who have married, “snagged” their men by being open about their faith and having Spiritual goals and longing to grow in the Lord. If the women were immodest and the men lusted after them and that was how they “snagged” them, I’d honestly question if they are really even Christians.

      I’m sorry you don’t believe fathers should have any say in their kids’ wardrobes. Personally in my case, my dad always had a good fashion sense while my mother had none, but he never put in his input about what I wore, and I wish he had done so. I think many guys/men know more about fashion by having experiences of looking at women then many women even realize. You don’t seem to give men much credit in your comment, and that saddens me. Men need better encouragement, don’t you think?

      • Tim says:

        “… by being open about their faith and having Spiritual goals and longing to grow in the Lord.” That’s how my wife and I ended up together, Victoria!


      • Jenny says:

        Please forgive my hyperbole. The average father has no fashion sense. Clearly, those who do can contribute more to the discussion about what is and isn’t appropriate for their daughters. In general though, I think most men are better off letting the mothers take care of the details, and only stepping in when they’ve seen an unsatisfactory end result. And of course, Christian women attract (sl. “snag”) their husbands with their faith, personality, and a zillion other things. I was pointing out the fact that I’ve met dozens of married women who tell younger women to dress modestly, and dozens of mothers who order their daughters to do so. What’s very interesting about this is that nearly all of them wore bikinis, strapless dresses, etc. when they dated, courted, and married their husbands.

        • Were those mothers Christians when they dated/courted/married husbands? Perhaps they weren’t really Christians during that time even if they proclaimed it, so they tell their daughters to do so in hopes that they won’t mess up and fail in purity as they may have done.

          • Jenny says:

            Yes, in every case they were Christians, and claim today that they were then. (Neither you nor I am a position to question that.) None of them had what we’d typically call “messed up” lives. Instead, as they grew older, they changed their perspective. I don’t have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is their legalistic attitudes towards unmarried women today who want to do exactly what they did when they were young: dress attractively (whatever the definition) in hopes of grabbing the attention of potential husbands.

        • Tim says:

          Got to disagree with you. It’s not the average father that has no fashion sense. It’s the average person! Have you seen what men and women, girls and boys, are wearing nowadays? Yikes!

          • Jenny says:

            There’s some truth to your statement that the average person lacks fashion sense, but that in no way contracts my statement that the average father lacks more than the average mother. In addition, women are far more likely to (a) admit that they don’t know anything and need help, (b) seek and accept help, and (c) not believe in a “one size fits all” approach to dressing well.

            • Tim says:

              Wow, I don’t know what to do with all those gender stereotypes. They don’t fit in with my 52 years of experience, but if you have some studies to back them up I’ll go along with them.


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